First World Problems

I have a good friend who used to work in loss prevention for a big electronics store. His job was to watch security monitors and catch shoplifters, and many times, he would spot pimply-faced teens padding themselves with CDs and video games and sketchy-looking older people helping themselves to mp3 players and digital cameras. People can be very bold when it comes to robbing from the rich corporations and giving to themselves.

That being said, I have spent too much precious time peeling stickers off DVDs and CDs, and I have cut my hands up trying to open unforgiving plastic packaging at home. I've had to use knives, scissors, and letter openers to battle merciless plastic.

Stores should figure out how to implement new theft devices (like ink or electronic tags that are put on clothing and taken off at the time of purchase). I would enjoy it if stores offered to remove packaging for you. I am not kidding. There should be little kiosks by exits where employees bravely take on the task of taking off packaging.

(MC Lars is more punk than you)
Go! Books about Evanescence (Are not punk rock!)
Guns ‘n Roses watches (Are not punk rock!)
Hello Kitty iPod cases (Are not punk rock!)
Rob Zombie lunch boxes (Are not punk rock!)
Slipknot binder paper (Is not punk rock!)

T inkerbell pillow cases (Are not punk rock!)
Led Zeppelin air fresheners (Are not punk rock!)
Tupac incense burners (Are not punk rock!)
Hot Topic is not punk rock! (Hot Topic!)Hot Topic is not punk rock! (Hot Topic!)
Hot Topic is not punk rock! (Hot Topic!)Hot Topic is not punk rock! (Hot Topic!)
Misfits candle tins (Are not punk rock!)
ICP throw blankets (Are not punk rock!)
Beaded Elvis curtains (Are not punk rock!)
Talking Lambchop plush dolls (Are not punk rock!)AC/DC hair clips (Are not punk rock!)Spongebob wristbands (Are not punk rock!)
Sex Pistols boxer shorts (Are not punk rock!)
Dischord back catalog (Okay. Maybe that’s punk rock.)
Hot Topic is not punk rock! (Hot Topic!)Hot Topic is not punk rock! (Hot Topic!)Hot Topic is not punk rock! (Hot Topic!)Hot Topic is not punk rock! (Hot Topic!)
Hot Topic is a contrived identification with youth subcultures to manufacture an anti-authoritarian identity and make millions.
The $8 you paid for the Mudvayne poster would be better spent used to see your brother’s friend’s band.
DIY ethics are punk rock
Starting your own label is punk rock
G.G. Allin was punk rock.
But when a crass corporate vulture feeds on mass-consumer culture, this spending mommy’s money is not punk rock!
"Hopt Topic is not Punk Rock"--MC Lars
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hjmmZEq5b-8

Poor little Emo kids. Rebelling against the upper middle class by wearing heavy eyeliner. Fighting the power with pale skin and black hair. Committing acts of subversion by scaring families at the mall. Taking down the man, one Chemical Romance song at a time.

I love the Emo culture. The angry cry of angst-ridden teenagers can be oh-so-poignant.

“I had a conversation with Barack Obama. I’m waiting to hear from Hillary Clinton.” --Hayden Panettiere (indestructible cheerleader)

As Americans, it is our civic duty to vote. The commander-in-chief is considered "the leader of the free world." In deciding who can best run this great nation, one has to consider many things, such as each candidate's position on the economy, taxes, the environment, health care, reproductive rights, the war in Iraq, foreign relations, government spending, education, welfare reform, and immigration (just to name a few pressing issues.) Being an informed voter is crucial.

So I'm going to flip through Us Weekly and find out whom Scarlett Johansson is voting for.

Wait...what?

Barack Obama has been sweeping the Democratic primaries. He represents "change," and if elected, he would be the first black person to have "Hail to the Chief" announce his entrance. He is a force to be reckoned with, but I cannot help but wonder how many women over the age of 30 were led by the hand to Obama's camp by none other than Oprah Winfrey.

I question the place of celebrity in politics. There are some entertainers who have entered the political arena like wrestler Jesse Ventura, "Ahnold," and Ronald Reagan. However, it is different when stars decide to endorse a particular candidate. The smattering of celebrity endorsements only trivializes the political process. It is great when Sean Penn rolls up his sleeves and helps out in a Katrina-devastated New Orleans, but why does it matter if Sean Penn supports Dennis Kucinich?

"Brought to you by Ashton Kutcher, featuring Paris Hilton, and it's all on E!" sounds like something that would make my eyes bleed, but the premise of Pop Fiction (http://www.eonline.com/on/shows/popfiction/index.jsp?sid=nav-shows) actually sounds pretty clever. We'll see.

"Isn't it weird for you to do that?"

When I received this question, I was not playing the piano with my feet. I was not steering a car with my elbows. I was writing with my left hand.

I turned away from the dry erase board and faced my student. He was serious.

"No, it's not weird. I'm left-handed. I just...you know...write with my left hand. No biggie."

Unconvinced, he went back to his work.

I decided to do a little research on my "condition." In 1987, the Washington Post wrote that lefties are losing their stigma and teachers are no longer forcing their left-handed students to use their right hands (http://www.highbeam.com/doc/1P2-1328113.html). In 1988, I entered kindergarden, and my teacher promptly tried to force me to use my other hand.

While I understand that anything associated with the left (and I don't mean left-wing) is associated with being sinister and this goes back centuries, it's strange that there is still a stigma attached to being left-handed. 10% of the population is made up of south paws, and the myth that righties live longer than lefties is untrue. Lefties are not clumsy; they are just people trying to make it in a right-handed world. Also, lefties are traditionally better bloggers.

Ok, I made that last one up.

Dear God:

Please let me never throw a "black and white party," where my guests faithfully show up in black and white attire, and I make a grand entrance in bright red.

It is almost as bad as purposely choosing ugly bridesmaid dresses for your wedding party so that you shine all the brighter. But it is not as bad as having a lavish sweet 16 where there are pictures of yourself displayed everywhere, you make a dramatic entrance, perform some sort of song and dance, and have a presentation of receiving the Mercedes your parents had to get you. Nothing tops that on the scale of absurdity.

Thank you.

-me

I respond to "Baby on Board" car decals. At least, I try harder not to hit a car that has one.

I scratch my head when I see family sticker decals, though. You've seen them--colorful depictions of people on white stickers. Sitting at a stoplight, you can find out that the person in front of you is married, has one daughter who plays tennis, another daughter who takes ballet lessons, a son who plays little league baseball, and a dog. I once saw a car that had stickers that covered the entire length of the back windshield. Are these stickers some sort of badge of honor? "I have a family! We are very active, and we like to show it on our vehicles!"

Also funny are the timely bumper stickers. "My child is an honor roll student at so-and-so elementary" is fine, but how about, "My child was student of the month at so-and-so elementary?" Recently, I saw a proud parent touting their student of the month as well as boasting, "My child had a perfect checkup at Dr. So-and-so!" You know that was just an attempt to stave off sibling rivalry. "Your brother is excelling in school, and you didn't have any cavities! Way to go!"