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Monday, February 25, 2008

"Project Runway" makes me want to learn how to sew, and Tim Gunn inspires me to be a better person (ok, a more fashionable one.) Not everyone can be "fierce," as the flamboyant wunderkind on the show, Christian, is so fond of saying. However, I believe in a world where everyone, regardless of size, shape, or financial status, should be able to put together outfits that are not cringeworthy.

Some of my cardinal sins of fashion are:

  • visible bra straps Bras are supposed to be worn under clothing and should not be seen. Big-chested women are exempt from this rule.
  • cut-off shirt sleeves You work out. Good for you. Now wear some sleeves over the gun show.
  • Crocs Spending some time in your garden? Sounds peaceful. Walking around in these rubber abominations because "they're just so comfortable?" Just say no.
  • beach/club clothing at work/class Anything that is shiny or shows too much skin is probably wildly inappropriate, unless, of course, you are a Playboy Bunny or Hawaiian Tropic Girl.
  • stripper shoes There is a reason why clear, strappy shoes are only sold in shops that also offer sensual massage oils and flavored prophylactics.
  • "dresses" that began life as blouses and tunics There's a difference between short and, "Whoa, I feel dirty just looking at you."
  • head to toe black seperates Only exceptions--it's your work uniform, or you're Cat Woman.

Obviously offensive:

  • fanny packs
  • mom jeans

Just annoying:

  • loud jewelry like bangles and earrings, worn in quiet settings such as work, class, or the movies

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

i think this is so true, i love it, i was laughing the whole time i was reading.

davy said...

Hahaha. As I read this I am wearing a sweater which was originally my mom's, over a ladybug tank top that was free from LA... I don't think I look AWFUL, but I am clearly not trying to make. it. work.

John and Mel said...

Assuming you watched last night's episode, where does wearing human hair rank on your list of sins?! I must admit I was disgusted to say the least!!!