First World Problems

"Project Runway" makes me want to learn how to sew, and Tim Gunn inspires me to be a better person (ok, a more fashionable one.) Not everyone can be "fierce," as the flamboyant wunderkind on the show, Christian, is so fond of saying. However, I believe in a world where everyone, regardless of size, shape, or financial status, should be able to put together outfits that are not cringeworthy.

Some of my cardinal sins of fashion are:

• visible bra straps Bras are supposed to be worn under clothing and should not be seen. Big-chested women are exempt from this rule.
• cut-off shirt sleeves You work out. Good for you. Now wear some sleeves over the gun show.
• Crocs Spending some time in your garden? Sounds peaceful. Walking around in these rubber abominations because "they're just so comfortable?" Just say no.
• beach/club clothing at work/class Anything that is shiny or shows too much skin is probably wildly inappropriate, unless, of course, you are a Playboy Bunny or Hawaiian Tropic Girl.
• stripper shoes There is a reason why clear, strappy shoes are only sold in shops that also offer sensual massage oils and flavored prophylactics.
• "dresses" that began life as blouses and tunics There's a difference between short and, "Whoa, I feel dirty just looking at you."
• head to toe black seperates Only exceptions--it's your work uniform, or you're Cat Woman.

Obviously offensive:

• fanny packs
• mom jeans

Just annoying:

• loud jewelry like bangles and earrings, worn in quiet settings such as work, class, or the movies