First World Problems

On US-1 near the junction for I-95, there is a popular pizza place that sells slices as big as your head. The entire building is a not-so-subtle homage to Italy; it is bright green and red, and the name of the restaurant is written in big white letters. It is almost always packed with families, high school kids, and beachgoers who were on Key Biscayne. I think it is safe to say that people are aware of this eatery's existence. On my way home every afternoon, I drive by a man who is probably in his sixties advertising for this restaurant. He usually sits on a stool under a tree. The sad thing about it is that he bears the harsh Florida elements wearing a giant pizza costume. To make it worse, he also wears a chef's hat (because pizza cooks itself?) Last week, there were heavy thunderstorms and tornado warnings; Mr. Pizza sat on his stool holding a dinky umbrella.

Team mascots and people walking around in costumes at Disney World make sense; this does not. I've seen a giant gator dancing around for an apartment complex and giant puppies trying to draw attention to pet stores. Wouldn't a commercial or billboard featuring delicious looking pizza work better than making a sad old man sit by a highway in a ridiculous costume? I don't see the point of having human beings don large costumes and walk around waving.

Everytime I see that man, I am compelled to pull over and discuss job options with him. Surely, pushing paper or even flipping burgers beats sitting around, wearing foam pepperoni.